Sunday, February 11, 2007

Armchair Nazis ...

Whenever I fly, I tend to go coach - principally because it costs an awful lot of money to do otherwise.

However, every now and then I come up against an Armchair Nazi or in other words a "space invader".

So it happened today. I settle down into my sardine can like seat on a huge 747 - roll over to go to sleep and suddenly thwack I get an elbow in the ribs. This anatomical blitzkrieg continues with a constant pressure of elbow, shoulders and even prodding fingers until finally I'm rudely awoken for the umpteenth time with the immortal words

"excuse me, your blanket is on my arm rest ..."

What? The armrest separates both chairs - but apparently it has been annexed for the fatherland of this northern English fascist space invader.

The constant physical assault is apparently justified because a flimsy piece of cotton has transgressed onto sacred ground.

I riposte with the normal wit and diplomacy of a jet lagged Oscar Wilde having spent five days at a conference on disruptive behaviours.

"Sod off you arse and keep your elbows to your own seat"

Naturally things don't get better - more prodding, more pushing, an assault of reading lights etc.

Where's my tommy gun when I need it.